From my dad I learned not to spend time with your children, to lie to them, to neglect them, to abandon them, that there is always something more important than them. Sometimes that more important thing is in liquid form. My dad has demons, he has as Long as I can remember. I can't sweep his actions under the rug because he looks for comfort in the bottom of a bottle. I Learned how to make plans and not show up nor call to tell them plans have changed. I Learned how not to say a simple I LOVE YOU when your child says it anticipating hearing it repeated. I Learned how to be so self absorbed in my own pain, I couldn't see the pain I was inflicting on others. I Learned how to be mean and cruel, Judgmental and obnoxiously annoying.. I Learned how to be of the mindset that MINE IS THE ONLY OPINION THAT COUNTS. I learned to inflict a strong loss of self worth to my children. KUDOS DADDY, You own the title of FATHER and it is the most undeserved gift you have ever been given, and you never even realized it...
From My Mom I learned.. Your children are a blessing to be appreciated, help them at your own expense, give and give and give some more. FROM MY MOM I LEARNED EVERY SELFLESS ATTRIBUTE I have ever possessed. From my mom and her mom and Dad my aunts and uncles and cousins I learned FAMILY means pulling together always but especially in times of need. When I see something so opposite of this it is foreign to me. I can not relate nor understand FAMILIES that are so self absorbed they can't help one another, especially in great times of need. I have been called a do gooder many times in my life. Thats what I learned, Thats what I am, Thats what God wants me to be. I will not apologize for trying to follow the example Christ set.
I am blessed to have Family, all kinds that I can go to when Im happy or sad and receive love and compassion and NEVER judgement. My family is the best example I can follow and my uncles and my Grandfather filled the Paternal Role of Father and Still continue doing so. It saddens me greatly to go to the store to get a Fathers day card and they all say things about a dad that was always there, he wasnt. He knows it, I know it, why pretend? I have just stopped even trying. What I want from him, he will never give me. He is not capable of loving anyone, more than himself.
Having him as a father, created in me an extreme low self worth, If I had been prettier, smarter, better, he would have loved me. I failed to achieve what every child should have without begging for it. He wasnt there, never will be, His acceptance or appreciation does not determine my worth. My heart will forever be broken because of his actions. I was born to an emotionally unavailable Man who didnt appreciate nor respect me. I married an emotionally unavailable man who loved me but was not available and was oblivious as to how to nurture. Maybe I just had too much baggage from the get go. At any rate, the cycle continued.
I have found in my adult years, my friendships especially with males are very important. If I choose Male friends that are not sincere, my NEED to be loved could certainly be taken advantage of. MEN do not realize the damage they do to their daughters. I choose my friendships carefully. Both male and female and I do believe men and women can have friendships that begin and stay platonic. One person can not provide you everything you need. I have different friends for different activities.
God has been extremely good to me, I have some of the best friends in the world and I know at any given moment if I needed help I would have a line willing to assist me. Its been proven time and time again. I separated from Donny almost four years ago. If it were not for all of my close friends, I would have probably ended up in a hospital somewhere. God is good and the Angels in form of friends and family are truly priceless.
My son Brandon makes me very proud. He is determined to be a better dad than his and he is excellent. His boys love and miss him terribly. Together with his wife, they make my grandchildren safe, secure and happy. I cant ask for more.
Happy Fathers day MOMMY - You pulled double duty in an absent dad and I LOVE YOU FOREVER!
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